The Classic Cinnabon
- Kitchen Aid Mixer
- 2 1/4 Tsp Rapid/Instant yeast
- 1 Cup Milk (Lukewarm) (100F-115F)
- 1/2 cup Sugar
- 1 Tbsp sugar
- 2 eggs Large
- 1 Tsp Salt
- 6 Tbsp Butter (softened) Room temperature
- 4 Cups All-purpose Flour
- 1 Cup Dark Brown sugar
- 3 Tbsp Cinnamon
- 6 Tbsp Softened Margarine
Cream Cheese Icing
- 1/2 cup Softened Butter
- 1 1/2 cup Powdered sugar
- 1/2 Pack Philadelphia cream cheese (Room temperature)
- 1/2 Tsp Vanilla extract
- 1/8 Tsp Salt (Pinch)
- Dissolve the yeast in the warm milk(110f-115F) with a tbsp of sugar in a small bowl. Let it sit for about 5 minutes. If the yeast is good, it will start to froth up.
- In the mixer add the sugar, butter, salt, eggs, and flour and mix until well incorporated.
- Next, pour the milk/yeast mixture over the flour mixture and using the dough hook, mix well until well incorporated and the dough comes clean from the side of the bowl. Do not over mix the dough. Remove as soon as it begins to form a ball of dough and is no longer sticking to the sides.
- Place the dough into an oiled bowl, cover and let rise in a warm place about 1 hour or until the dough has doubled in size.
- While the dough is rising. You can begin working on the filling Combine the brown sugar and cinnamon in a bowl.
- Grease a 9×13 inch baking dish with cooking spray.
- Roll the dough out on a lightly floured surface, until it is approximately 16 inches long by 12 inches wide. It should be approximately 1/4 inch in thickness.
- Spread the margarine evenly over the dough, then sprinkle with the sugar evenly over the surface of the dough. Working carefully, from the long edge, roll the dough down to the bottom edge. (Do not use Real butter for the filling or else your rolls will be dry.) By using Margarine in the filling it has a higher melting temperature which allows it to create a cinnamon-sugar glaze whereas real butter begins to carmelize when it's baked with the cinnamon and sugar due to its lower melting temperature and how it reacts to the dough.
- Using a piece of Thread or Dental floss slide under the rolled Cinnabon dough, cross the ends and pull apart to make clean Cut. Cut the dough into 1 1/2 inch slices, and place in the greased baking pan. Cover with plastic wrap and let them rise for another 30 minutes.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Place in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Cooking time will vary depending on the type of Oven.
- While the cinnamon rolls are in the oven, make the icing by mixing all the icing ingredients in the kitchen aid mixer. When the Cinnamon rolls are done spread generously and they are ready to serve.
This year was so different than all the previous family vacations for many different things. We went from a family of 3 kids to a family of 4 kids. We also went from living normal daily life to going on vacation in the middle of a pandemic.
Overall, I think my kids loved the vacation and although we weren’t able to plan a lot of things we somehow managed to make the best of it and enjoy each other’s company. While On vacation, my kids were able to go to the beach, the strawberry patch visit with friends, see the Hollywood sign, go to the alley, and have a pool party.
In my eyes, I thought they weren’t going to enjoy all of that but, I think it was a long-needed break from being in the house the past several months.
It was also really cool because our children got to see real-life history in the making from witnessing protesters to seeing all the signs that read Black lives Matter written on the street as well as by the staples center. My children had a lot of questions, and it allowed us to have an appropriate kid conversation about what’s going on in the world. I still feel like there’s so much more to discuss, but I want to continue to explain a little at a time. Also, my children had never seen the Hollywood sign so they were extremely excited to see it and take pictures. My boys loved walking along the beach and even experienced one of our favorite cookie places we used to go to in college.
During our trip, we stayed out late and allowed our kids to see and experience new places. Of course, we had to have multiple diaper changing sessions and outfit changes depending on the weather, but we all pitched in and enjoyed it. I’ve noticed that this pandemic allowed our lives to slow down in a way to where we haven’t really noticed that things we are missing but; Instead, we have been able to come up with new games, projects and have been able to enjoy the simple things we used to take for granted. I hope to make many more memories with my children during the rest of this summer.
Okay, so I know I’ve been MIA for the last couple of weeks. I’m still getting the hang of this blogging thing, besides that its a little difficult blogging while on vacation.
In the past several weeks, there have been a million things going on but, we still managed to take a break and get out of town. We usually go to San Diego every summer in June but, this year was completely different. First, we didn’t have one baby; we had two, and then on top of that, we are in the middle of a pandemic.
Due to all of the unknowns, there were many things we had to consider. I would recommend that if you’re planning a vacation soon to do your research as well.
- What precautions and procedures are in place at the hotel
- what are the rules in the state or country you’re going to visit
- what restaurants/businesses are open that you may want to visit.
Before we left on our trip, I contacted the hotel to see what rules may have changed and how they handled Covid-19 in the hotel. Our particular hotel was not providing room service/ housekeeping until day 3 of our stay. Therefore I had to prepare for small things like cleaning the bathroom. Also, our hotel specifically required a mask to be worn when we were not in our room. Second, I looked up the places we wanted to visit and contacted them. For example, we wanted to go to Seaworld but found out it was still not open. I then contacted the Bellmount park in San Diego to see if the rides and beach were open. Last, I looked up the change in hours at certain restaurants and contacted them about what they do for bigger parties.
Now for the packing, we have two kids under three, so there was a lot to consider when packing. How will we carry them? How will we protect them from being exposed to COVID-19, where will they sleep, and what foods to pack. Here was our packing list.
- Graco Pack N play
- Baby carriers (ErgoBaby 360 & Infantino)
- Stroller (Contour Options Ellite)
- Blankets (2 linen, 4 receiving, 2 soft blankets)
- Four warm outfits (depending on Wheather)
- 2 outfits for everyday traveling (For accidents)
- Life jackets/swimming diapers/Swim trunks
- Diapers (we took an entire box for 5 days)
- Wipes (3 packs)
- Formula (12oz can and 30oz can)
- Baby food pouches (25 for 5 days)
- Thermos (for hot foods) (Chicken noodle soup)
- Snacks finger foods (gummies, goldfish, pretzels)
- Mask/face coverings
For our bigger kids, it was so much more relaxed we matched up their outfits and packed. Of course, we had to make sure we had masks and mask filers but, other than that, the big kids were easy to pack for.
`The biggest thing to be concerned about is making sure you have enough stuff to keep your family, especially the kids, safe in a different environment. I went over and above to make sure we all had masks and Mask filters. I packed extra blankets for when we took the babies outside versus when we were in the hotel. Also, when the kids were in the stroller or carriers, we made sure they were facing towards us to prevent weirdos from getting too close or trying to touch the babies. As far as food, I decided to make sure we had easily accessible things; therefore, we had uncrustables, bread, sandwich meat, pop tarts, instant oatmeal, and several snacks.
As far as keeping the hotel room clean, I requested new towels every day, and I took my cleaning supplies and small trash bags that we would empty before we left every morning. We cleaned our room every day before we left and then would request new towels.
Overall, Vaccationing during a pandemic can still be enjoyable; you just have to take a few more precautions and wear a mask to prevent exposure as much as possible.
Sweet Pineapple Hawaiian Rolls
Ingredients for Yeast Ball
- 1/4 Cup All-purpose Flour
- 1 Tbsp Instant (Quick Rise) Yeast Approxomently 1 pack and a half.
- 2.5 Tbsp Warm water between 115-117 degrees
Ingredients for Dough
- 2 3/4 cup All-purpose Flour
- 2 Tbsp Cornstarch
- 1 1/4 Tsp Salt
- 1/3 Cup Light brown sugar
- 1/2 Cup Pineapple Juice
- 1 egg Yolk
- 1 egg White (set aside for egg wash)
- 4-5 Tbsp unsalted Butter (approximately 1/4 cup) (Room temperature)
- 1 Tsp Vanilla extract
- In a big bowl start By mixing the 1/4 cup flour, 1 tbsp quick-rising yeast, and the water. Make sure that the water temperature does not exceed 117 degrees. I typically use a thermometer to make sure my temperature is exact. The purpose of this is so that you can create a yeast ball so that when other ingredients are added your bread will rise properly. Let this sit for about 10 minutes.
- After sitting for 10 minutes it won't look any different it will just look like a crusty ball of dough. Don't worry it will all come together soon. Now mix in the 1/3 cup of brown sugar, 1/2 cup pineapple juice, 2 eggs, 1 yolk, the Vanilla, and the softened butter. Mix and mash everything together. This mixture will look yellow and lumpy. At this point, you should have lumps of dough and lumps of butter in this mixture.
- In a separate bowl mix together the flour 2 3/4 cups, salt 1 1/4 tsp, and the cornstarch 2 tbsp. Then add about a cup of this mixture into the mixture with the eggs and dough ball mixture and mix until its incorporated. You can do this with a kitchen aid mixer or by hand in a bowl with a sturdy spoon. Once that is mixed add the remaining flour mixture to it. By hand, you will mix until it becomes too hard to mix with a spoon, and then you will take it out and began kneading the dough for 8-12 minutes. In a mixer with a dough hook you will knead on low and continue to scrape the sides down until all flour is incorporated and then speed up the mixer to about 5-6 speed and knead for 8-10 minutes.
- After roughly 8-12 minutes your dough should be tacky but, not sticking to your fingers. you should be able to poke it and it springs back into shape and if you used a mixer with a dough hook it should be smooth. If you made it by hand it will not be as smooth but, as long as it springs back and is not sticking to the countertop then its good to go. The dough should feel tight and no longer falling all over the place. The Purpose of Kneading is to strengthen the gluten bond so do not be alarmed that the dough is not easily moveable. Once it rests it will be soft like a pillow.
- Now place the dough in a greased bowl for about 2 hours or until its doubled in size. (I usually place mine in the oven to rest/rise)
- After the 2 hours are up your dough should be significantly puffier. You will take the dough out and it should feel extremely soft and plush like the skin of a newborn. Now you will take the dough form it into a ball and with a dough scraper or a knife cut it into halves and continue to cut into halves until you have 16 equal-sized pieces. Now you're going to shape each piece into a ball by pinching the sides and all to the bottom. While shaping the rolls make sure the dough pieces you are not working with remained covered by the plastic wrap to prevent the top layer from getting dry.
- Now place the 16 balls of dough into a greased round cake pan. You can put parchment paper down in the bottom of the pan but, Honestly, it makes no difference. Cover with plastic wrap, place in a warm area and let it rise for about a 1 hour.
- At about 15 minutes before your rolls are done rising preheat the oven to 375. (if your rolls are rising in the oven, of course, take them out before preheating the oven) Once they are done rising remove the plastic wrap and brush a small amount of egg wash on each roll. To make the egg wash take the egg white that you set aside and 1tsp of water. The place them in the oven on the middle rack for approximately 20-25 mins. For my own personal preference I cook mine for 15 mins and then to prevent the top from browning anymore I take them out and place foil on top to act as a barrier and cook for the remaining 10 mins. The rolls should be at the internal temperature of 190 when they are completely done
- Rub or brush with butter and serve.
Cheesy Seafood Lasagna
- 12 Noodles 1 (Package) Lasagna
- 4 Tbsp Salted Butter
- 1/2 Cup Finely Chopped Sweet Onion
- 3 Tbsp Flour (For Thickening)
- 2 1/2 Cups Half and half
- 1 Cup Grated Romano Cheese
- 1 Cup Grated Parmesan cheese
- 1.5 Cup Shredded Mozzarella cheese
- 1/2 Tsp Salt (To taste)
- 1/4 Tsp Paper (To taste)
- 10 oz Sauteed spinach
- 1/2 Cup Finely Chopped Red bell pepper (For Color Optional)
- 2-3 Cloves Minced garlic
- 8 oz Bay (Small) Scallops
- 12 oz Uncooked, Peeled, and deveined Shimp (Medium)
- 8 oz Wild-caught Crabmeat (Not Imitation) You can buy it already cooked in a can or Jar.
- 2 tbsp butter
- 1 tsp minced Garlic
- Preheat Oven to 375 and spray a down 13 by 10-inch glass casserole dish or aluminum foil pan with Cooking spray.
- In a large pot begin boiling water with a little salt to prevent Noodles from sticking together. Once the water comes to a boil place noodles carefully into the pot but, place them all around the pot not all in the same spot. Do not worry the majority of the noodles will be sticking out of the top of the pot but, as they cook they will become softer, and you will be able to push them down into the pot. Cook the noodles for approximately 8-9 mins do not overcook because they will break when placing into the lasagna. You want them to be done but, not broken or soggy. Once done drain water and set to the side. I take them apart and place them on a paper towels because they begin to stick together if they are not separated.
- Now for the sauce melt the butter into a large Skillet. I prefer nonstick because you don't want to burn the cheese sauce. In the skillet add in the onion, bell pepper (optional), Spinach (Optional), and the minced garlic and cook on medium until they are soft and translucent. This takes roughly 4-5 mins. Do not burn your butter or garlic.
- On medium heat add in the flour and begin using a whisk, gradually add in the Half-and-half, allow the sauce to thicken slightly before adding in any more ingredients. When the sauce has thickened more to about the consistency of Heavy whipping cream then begin adding in the cheeses and whisk continually to prevent sticking. You're going to add all of the grated Romano cheese and about half of the parmesan cheese. Make sure to Stir stir stir with the Whisk until all cheese and other ingredients form a sauce. While doing this you will need to use seasonings to your preferred taste. I used Salt, pepper, Slap yo mama. Remember Cheese already has salt in it so always taste it before adding and after adding any seasonings with salt. Turn to Low heat or Off until ready to use again.
- Now Preparing the seafood. You will want to make sure all seafood has been thawed in Coldwater Do not use hot water it will cook the fish. After all of the fish is thawed out you need to make sure all of the fish is dry and that you get out as much water as possible. You can start by taking the shells off of the shrimp and placing the shrimp onto paper towels. Do the same with the scallops and then as paper towels get wet remove them and place onto dry paper towels. It's important to get out all of the water to prevent watery soggy lasagna. The crab meat should come in a container or can I recommended rinsing the crab meat and doing the same process. Then take paper towels place on top and push down slightly to make sure to get out any extra water. Place meat into separate bowls.
- In a pan on medium heat take about 2 tbsp butter and 1tsp(1 clove) garlic and place shrimp and scallops into the pan. Season to your taste. I used Cajun seasoning, Cayenne, pepper, a small amount of old bay, and a small amount of lemon pepper. Cook until pink this should take about 1-2 mins to turn them overcook for about another 30 seconds and remove. You do not want them raw but, you do not want them overcooked either. You want them cooked to the point where the small amount of heat from the oven will do the rest of the cooking. Put the Shrimp, scallops, and the juices (if you like the taste) into your sauce. Then add in the crab meat into the sauce and stir it all up.
- To Layer the pasta you will need to put a small amount of sauce in the bottom of the pan then place 3-4 noodles depending on the pan size, then some sauce with the spinach and everything and spread it around making sure you meat and ingredients are not just in one area and then more noodles. Make sure to save some sauce without meat or spinach for the top. The very top layer should be sauce and cheese. You can place some of the Mozzerella cheese throughout but, the majority of the mozzarella and the remaining parmesan cheese are for the top.
- Bake in the oven for about 20-25 mins. The top of the lasagna will not look pretty. Then turn on the broiler and broil the lasagna for about 3 mins to get the top cheese nice and golden and crispy. Be careful, do not leave the lasagna in the oven on Broil for more than 4 mins or your lasagna will be burnt. Your only using the broiler to make the top look pretty.
This past weekend we finally were able to take the kids swimming. They’ve been asking for weeks, but, of course, everything going on between school stuff, work, and the whole pandemic has been a little complicated. But, this week, we made it happen with the four day weekend we were able to spend a lot of time with the kids and just getting stuff done in general. So here’s how our weekend played out. On Saturday, we ran to the target of course, grab one thing, and ended up with a basket full of other things. We got the kids some summer clothes and a baby crib. Yup! Knoah, our youngest, finally moved out of our room this weekend. Then we had a bunch of family members over and had a fish fry. It felt so good to be able to have a family gathering and feel somewhat familiar again. Then Sunday, we pretty much spent the whole day relaxing well, the rest of the family was I pretty much spent most of the day attempting to learn how to make puff pastry dough. I somehow always get caught up watching cooking shows and end up knowing the scientific reasons for why you use certain ingredients. By the end of the day, I was making my mother in law homemade apple turnovers. I thought they were going to be thick and juicy, but the filling will oozed out all over my pan. They came out okay but, they did not look like all the pretty pictures all over the internet.
Then on Monday, My friend came over to help me with our garden. It was a lot more work then I thought, but I’m incredibly proud to say I’m officially a plant mom now. I hadn’t realized, but I went from owning one plant to owning and keeping alive 15 plants over the past year. My son Jaden was also really excited because we harvested our first vegetable from the garden he helped me to plant. After that, we went to my husband’s side of the family’s house, and everyone went swimming. It was the first time taking the new baby, and he didn’t like it at first, but I guess it was calming because he fell right to sleep. My other son Elijah was literally like a fish out of water. Thank god for the life jacket because as soon as we opened the gate, he ran and jumped right into the water and of course, the same for Jaden. Needless to say I think the kids enjoyed the weekend and spent a lot of time with family.
Easy 20-Minute Chili
- 2 pounds Ground Beef or ground turkey
- 2 Cans Tomato sauce (Hunts)
- 2 Cans Red Kidney Beans
- 2 Cans Stewed Tomatoes (Hunts)
- 1 Diced Onion Yellow
- 3 Cloves Garlic
- 2 packets McCormick Chili Seasoning
- Lawrys Seasoning Salt
- Garlic powder
- Place Ground beef in a pan with the diced up onion, and minced garlic and began cooking on medium to high heat.
- For the seasoning I use Lawry's seasoning salt and garlic powder. When seasoning the meat you want to make sure all of the meat has some sort of seasoning on it. It's all about preference.
- While the meat is cooking drain all of the beans. If you've ever used canned beans you'll notice that there is like a slimy juice in the can so you will want to make sure to drain all of the juices out of the beans and set them aside for later.
- Once the meat is all done cooking you will want to drain all of the greases out in a strainer and then place the meat into a pot and began adding in the other ingredients. Add the tomato sauce, The kidney beans, the stewed tomatoes and the seasoning packets.
- Once the meat, seasoning, and all of the other ingredients are incorporated and heated up its time to eat.
Easy Eggs Benedict
- 3/4 Cup Butter Unsalted
- 3 Eggs Yolks
- 1 Tsp lemon Juice
- 1/4 Tsp Cayenne
- Salt Kosher
- Ground Pepper
- 1 Tbsp Vinegar Distilled White
- Salt Kosher
- 8 eggs
- 4 English Muffins Split into halves
- 8 Slices of Ham Thick Cut
- 2 Tbsp Butter Salted
- 1/4 cup Chives
- 2 tbsp Chopped Dill
Making The Hollandaise sauce
- First, melt the butter in a small pot over medium heat. It's important to make sure not to burn the butter. This should take approximately 3 minutes.
- After melting the butter remove it from the stove and set aside. Place the 3 egg yolks and approximately 2 tbsp of water into a blender.
- Once placed into the blender began blending slowly while adding in the hot melted butter. Blend until it's all incorporated together. If you notice that your sauce is too thick add a small amount of water about 1/2 tsp at a time.
- While continuing to blend the mixture add the lemon juice (preferably fresh), Cayenne pepper and salt, and ground pepper to your liking. Make sure you taste your sauce as your making it to determine the proper amounts of seasoning you would like.
- Once you get the sauce to taste the way you would like it. Transfer it to a small bowl, cover it, and set it aside.
Poaching The eggs
- This part was particularly hard for me to perfect. So If it doesn't work the first time try again. I lost 2 eggs before I figured it out my first time.
- So to poach the egg you will want to fill the pot with water about 5-6 inches (This all depends on how big the pot is) Ideally you just want the pot half way full of water.
- Throw in Kosher salt about a 1/2 tbsp and 1 Tbsp of Distilled white vinegar
- Bring the water to a boil. This is an important step otherwise your eggs will look a mess.
- Once the water begins to boil take a whisk and begin stirring counterclockwise to create a whirlpool.
- This is extremely important because the speed of whirlpool is what allows the egg to stay close together and become poached properly.
- Once you have a decent spin in the water you will want to crack your egg right into the center of the pot. To poach the egg you will want to make sure the white is fully cooked in order to do this the egg should only be in the boiling water for about 90 seconds. If it is undercooked the white will still be runny and if its overcooked your Yolk will be hard.
- Once the White is fully cooked remove the egg and place it on a paper towel to dry. Continue to process to poach all of the eggs.
- Take the English muffin (I used sourdough ones) put, a small amount of melted butter, then the Ham (Make sure to heat the ham up) and then place the poached egg on top and about a tsp or tbsp of Hollandaise sauce on the top and Lastly garnish it with a little bit of dill and Chives.
Towards the end of my second pregnancy, I was working full time, I was still in school completing my internship for my master’s degree, and we were preparing to move into our first home. At 28 weeks pregnant, I began to have problems. I started having dizzy spells, losing my vision for a few minutes at a time, and would regularly have a headache. After a couple of stress tests, significant amounts of blood work, and multiple 24-hour urine collections, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and was placed on bed rest. Although I still had a lot to focus on, being on bed rest helped to relieve some stress and allowed my blood pressure to go back to its normal range. On April 9, 2018, we had Our son Elijah.
This time my experience would be different than it was with our first child. With our first child, we did not plan on getting pregnant. With our first child, Mike wasn’t even there for his birth. I did not have help with the responsibility of having a child. I had to do everything by myself – feedings, doctors’ appointments, and bath time. With our first son, I was still in school, working full time, and I was only able to spend the first six weeks with my newborn. I didn’t have time to breastfeed or attend mommy and me classes. However, this time was different because we had a plan. I was going to breastfeed instead of formula feeding, I was going to attend mommy and me baby classes, and I had all the newest baby gear (You Know! The stuff that I couldn’t afford the first time around). I was excited that I would be off the first three months, and then Mike would be off the next four months. I would focus on the kids, and he would focus on the bills.
After we had Elijah, my recovery process was more challenging then I expected. I had my second c-section, and this time I could barely move. I mean, it was to the point where I couldn’t lay down because I didn’t have the muscle strength to sit up. In the first three weeks, I had to wake Mike up to help me get out of bed. I could remember thinking, “What happened during surgery? Why can’t I move?.” It wasn’t like this after my first c-section. I was able to get up and walk, and I didn’t have any of these issues.
But This time, I struggled and was always in pain. I was sluggish and was bleeding more than usual. And to top it all off, I wasn’t sure I had the breastfeeding down. All I knew was PUMP! PUMP! PUMP! So we went home, and I immediately did just that, PUMP… to get my milk supply up.
Slowly, but surely, I became overwhelmed, exhausted, and had difficulties breastfeeding. My son would only latch on to one boob. I was continually pumping, my boobs hurt to the point that one of them became discolored. I continued to pump because that’s what the nurses told me would help to get my milk supply up. It wasn’t until my boob turned bright red, and I started having a fever that I went to the doctors. I explained what was going on, and the doctor prescribed me medication for Mastitis. Unfortunately, it was the wrong medication, and I wasn’t until my next appointment with the OBGYN that I was prescribed the correct medication. At this point, I was still exhausted; my milk supply had dropped significantly due to not being able to pump because of the pain. I was determined to breastfeed, but I began to realize I wasn’t able to keep up with my baby’s needs.
Furthermore, I still couldn’t figure out how to sleep when the baby would sleep, I had to pump, and whenever I attempted to lay down during the day, my baby would wake up. The worst part about it was I was too prideful to admit I needed help. I didn’t need to do it alone I wasn’t a single mother anymore but, my husband was working full time, and I felt that I couldn’t expect him to help me after he worked all day.
So, I kept it to myself instead of telling my husband I was overwhelmed and needed help. Often times, I found myself crying alone. It felt like I was failing as a mother and a wife. I didn’t want to cook, do my hair, clean, or do things with my other kids. I honestly wanted to run away. During the day, instead of picking up my child when he cried, I began to ignore him. I started thinking that I didn’t want to be his mother anymore. At one point, I began questioning God like, “Why would he give me this baby that doesn’t love me? I can’t make him happy, produce enough milk, or stop him from crying. I’m not good at this; Elijah would be better off without me. I was so used to being in control and having a plan and a schedule that this was something I did not know how to handle.
It continued to get worse, to the point I resented my husband. I hated that he didn’t have nipples to breastfeed and that he didn’t have to wake up all night to breastfeed. When he would come home from work, I would nag about things that didn’t even make sense. I still didn’t tell him what was wrong or that during that day, I would put the baby in his room to cry to prevent myself from shaking the shit out of him. Yes, I had wanted to shake my baby, and at one point, I felt that I hated my child.
I went on like this for about a month and a half before I decided to seek help. I knew of postpartum depression, but I figured it couldn’t happen to me because I was a therapist. It’s my job to help people with depression. I am supposed to see the signs and not end up needing help. So I called my mom crying, and I told her that I thought I was depressed. Her response was, “You ain’t depressed. Just get some sleep, and you’ll get over it.” Needless to say, her response was not very supportive. I was at a place where I was not sure how to get over this. So I began to reflect on what was happening to me. It wasn’t that I hated my child; I loved my child, but I was not too fond of the situation and what I was experiencing. Something had to change, so I decided that I would start by ending the breastfeeding journey. I also began to look up things like Colic and temperament. I realized my son just wanted to be close to me. So I started Co-sleeping. I would fall asleep with him on my chest so that he could feel close, and I could get sleep for more extended periods of time.
Also, I told my sister and my husband what had been going on. I explained that I was frustrated and exhausted, that I couldn’t control my emotions. I discussed with them how I felt like a failure and guilty at the same time for not wanting to be around my child at times.
I continued to struggle; I did not go to the doctor to get help, but I was able to get out of my depression by using my family’s support. My mom would watch my baby on the weekends, and my husband would switch off more nights throughout the week.
Through this experience, I know that having a child affects you both physically and mentally, and that not every pregnancy is the same. My now 2-year-old is still my child that worries me the most and probably causes me to cry the most, but he’s so loving and has the funniest little personality. I’m so grateful that what I went through was not worse and that I was able to admit that I needed help.